Future Of...Los Angeles Crime Fighting

Incentive-based law enforcement in LA LA Land. by Peter Gilstrap


Leave it to the Los Angeles law enforcement community to break new ground—when they’re not breaking new heads--in motivational crime solving techniques. Seems the enthusiastic L.A. County Sheriff’s Department recently concocted a whole new incentive-based program of crime stopping, Operation Any Booking.


According to the L.A. Times, the object of OAB was to arrest as many citizens as possible in a 24-hour period. The prize? Nothing more than “bragging rights,” admitted Lt. James Tatreau. "It's just a friendly competition to have a little fun out here," offered the jovial flatfoot.


And the apparently starved-for-action deputies dug into the funfest with gusto.


"They were pumped and excited," Tatreau revealed. "I've never got any negative feedback. It's not a quota or review system. It's a morale booster."


Why not? It doesn’t take a Tony Robbins video to see the boosting has only begun.

2008
Operation Shit Storm: Taking a page from the bust of Senator Larry Craig, sheriffs compete to arrest as many potential men’s room mates as they can in the time the Surgeon General deems it takes a man to move a healthy dump: three minutes, thirty seconds. Of course, the signs of start-up gay activity are broadened from foot tapping and stall crack peering to grunting and reaching for toilet paper. Score!

 

 

 

 



2009
Operation Brain Police: Psyched fuzz compete to arrest folks for what they’re thinking, poaching the bad eggs at thoughtful random. The gaming stops when cops make a seemingly heavy mind bust, only to find that the wheelchair-ridden perp--out for a push with his nurse--was brain dead.

 

 

 

 
2010
Operation Moustache: The LAPD steps into the game, vying with the sheriff’s department to put the bracelets on those with moustaches. Unaware that no one but police actually grow mustaches, confused officers end up arresting each other. And one elderly Armenian woman.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2011
Operation Arrest All Black People: Officers randomly profile, hassle and collar African Americans. Things are going well until news agencies point out the fact that the LAPD was doing that years ago. Miffed officers opt for Mexicans, but it’s just not as much fun, somehow.

 

 



2012
Operation Cruller Net: Cops finally hit on a truly rewarding contest. In a dynamic, partner-centered lightning round, it’s all about who can get the most arrests within a 20 foot radius of a donut store during a single lunch hour, and eat the most frosted crullers at the same time. Winners receive ten rounds of hollow point bullets, and a dozen cream filled cinnamon mini-fritters.

 

 

 


 
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