The Crazy World of Weird Search Terms

The latest in DAME's best of the worst search results by DAME


In the world of web publishing, one becomes obsessed with site stats - traffic, views, and of course search results. When our crack team of interactive strategists (ok, interns) looked at keyword search terms that drove people to DAME, we found some seriously nutty, potentially restraining-order-necessitating, just plain bizarre ones.  Like a collection of bad inside jokes, here are actual search phrases our fellow internet-ers typed into google, along with our attempt to figure out what they were looking for.

The Search:  "golden girls naked gallery"

Gross, no matter how you slice it, really disgusting.  Who is looking for naked pics of the ladies of Florida leisure?  Don't answer that.  Thank you for being a friend, indeed.  Now cover that up.

The Find? Mystery solved - oops, we covered an art show pitched as the "Golden Gals Gone Wild." Guess they are naked, but don't worry we only show you Rose with a riding crop: The Art of the Golden Girls

The Search: "if he is 30 years younger than her"

Cougar alert!  This is more than your average cougar, though - 30 years!!!  She's 30 years older than the "he" she's questioning being with.  Only thing we can say - bless you, sister, bless you.  And do your kegel exercises.

The Find? Mystery solved - they got this article: So What if He's 10...15...20 Years Younger

 
The Search:  "it ain't gonna suck itself t shirt"

We're quite sure DAME doesn't sell a shirt that can suck itself, nor is it featured it in any New York Fashion Week profiles.

The Find? Mystery not solved - like we said, we don't have that here.

The Search: "how to be a wino"

Well, DAME actually has an article with this title, but we'd like to think this is an unemployed, lonely guy with an overabundance of brown paper bags, looking for a new way of life.  Really, is this actually something you have to google how to do?  Pretty sure if the average wino out there had decent computer skills, enough to post a how-to, he may not, indeed have to be a wino.

The Find? Mystery solved - they got this article: How to be a Wino: Where the Grape Grows


The Search: "magazines for butt men"

We all like a guy who knows what he wants. This guy wants a magazine - not a book, or a movie - but a magazine.  And he wants it full of butts.  We don't have that here.

The Find? Mystery not solved - we don't even want to try.


The Search:  "massage convention las vegas forearm dance"

This doesn't even make any sense.  Only saying massage convention - not a spa convention, or massage therapist convention - means that perhaps they're looking for something with a happy ending. With a forearm? And dancing?  Again, we don't have that here.

The Find? Mystery not solved - although we now know where to get a forearm massage in Vegas.

The Search:  "ear hole shot football"

You know when something stupid strikes you as hilariously funny and you can't stop laughing and it sometimes comes back to you while standing in line at the grocery store and you giggle again and people look at you strangely. This is one of those.

 The Find? Mystery not solved - can't help you, no idea, but we're still laughing.

 
The Search: "permanent sexual arousal syndrome"

Whatever, you're just showing off. 

The Find? Mystery solved - they got this article (note to self: pray for this 'disease') - Too Much of a Good Thing
 
 
DAME is inviting fellow publishers, bloggers, webmasters to send us their own nutty traffic driving search terms - we'd be happy to help figure out what people were looking for.  Send your oddest search term, your site's url and the article you think they wanted to editiorial(at)damemagazine(dot)com for inclusion in the next installment. Not that your web department is busy with other stuff, or anything.


 

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