Boys Will Be Girls

Ten Tips on becoming the ultimate woman by Marcy Lovitch


At least that’s how it is at the New York City cross-dressing academy, Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls. Miss Vera, aka Mary Veronica, author, sex journalist and former porn star, has been educating cross-dressers and trannies from all over the world at her school since 1993. Here, the headmistress shares her top ten tips on how to be the ultimate lady:



Walk This Way. A lady who strides into a room with confidence is one step ahead of the game. High heels are designed to compliment that dancing, light-footed movement. She should carry herself proudly: shoulders back and down, bosom up and her buttocks tight-with a slight rumba sway. I encourage our students to plant their feet firmly on the ground and take control of the earth and avoid the bent knee “spider walk.” Women naturally go with the flow.

 

Speak to Me. Two important aspects of voice and language are elocution and etiquette. Students at Miss Vera’s are taught to enunciate properly, giving clear pronunciation to their “d’s” “t’s” and “p’s”, the “plosives” sounds (part of speech characterized by a burst of air). The very first lesson is to remember to say “yes” instead of “yeah.” Don’t be afraid to gush, let your feelings come out in your voice and you will add music to the world. In conversation, men often work too hard; they tend to feel they need to do all the talking. A lady understands the importance of listening, as well as speaking. In a group situation, she will make sure that everyone is included in the conversation yet she knows how to nip a bore in the bud with a swift and tactful change of subject. Like me, she might be deemed “a velvet hammer.”

At Your Service. A tranny can be femme self-centered. He’s so excited to be her, that she’s more adolescent than adult. Miss Vera’s girls understand that a lady finds joy in being of service to others and to her community. Each spring we take our students to the fabulous drag ball and charity, “Night of 1000 Gowns,” run by the Imperial Court of New York, whose motto is “Do Good and Look Fabulous.” I was made a Dame [Ed note: !] of the Imperial Court and our girls are all presented at Court as ladies. It’s our “coming out party.”

Keep Your Party Hat Handy. Sometimes an invitation comes up unexpectedly, and a lady knows she will be invited out often. The wise woman can get herself ready in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. An easy-care wig is indispensable. The “Bob” is a style that looks great on just about any Barbara or Bobbette.

Have a Signature Style. A lady learns which fashions not only compliment her figure, but also reflect the image she wants to project. Learn to accessorize. Choose one perfume that will be your scent. Select jewelry that highlights your personality. If you love your pussy [Ed note: !], then collect some cat pins or scarves. My personal symbol is the fleur-de-lis. Not only is it tattooed on my foot, but it’s on my stationery and part of our academy crest. But self-expression is more than a fashion statement. You are actually relieving others of stress, helping them to figure out what to give you for your birthday.

Be a Pleasure Activist. Trannies get hit on all the time. Horny not-so-gentle men sometimes assume that a trannie always looks for sex. Any lady wants to stay vigilant to protect herself from predators, yet also be ready to take advantage of golden opportunities. A lady carries condoms in her purse. She shouldn’t get sloshed at a bar. She enjoys a bawdy conversation with her girlfriends, but she’s usually more reserved in mixed company. A lady’s bedroom is equipped with a treasure chest full of accoutrements to stir her sexual energy whether she is alone or with others.

Encourage Proper Manners. These days such courtesies as a gentleman holding a door for a lady, or allowing her first off the elevator are not staunchly observed. No need to get your knickers in a twist over this. It’s part and parcel of feminism. Still, if a lady encounters an old-school gentleman who is rushing for the door handle, she can graciously accept his advances. And if that clod on the bus won’t offer his seat to a mother and her baby, a lady will rise to the occasion.

Let Me Entertain You. Cleanliness is next to goddessliness. A lady loves to entertain, so her home is always ready for company. Many times that means having an easy place to stash in flash.


Carry the Bare Essentials. Your purse is your “home away from home.” Try to keep a lipstick, mirror, emory board, tissues, house key, and enough cash to get you home. Oh, and don’t forget those condoms, even more important than your cell phone.

Politeness Gets You Everywhere. Beauty is as beauty does, so make sure you follow-up any social event with proper correspondence. Send an email or note immediately after you’ve been treated to a nice dinner, or met an interesting person. “Please” and “thank you” are some of the loveliest words in the English language.


 

 

Marcy Lovitch is a freelance writer living in Brooklyn, New York. She's written for such publications as Glamour, Marie Claire, Essence and Good Housekeeping, to name a few, and is thrilled to be writing for DAME. After working on "Boys Will Be Girls," she's now a new member of Miss Vera's fan club.

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